NO LONGER INTERESTED IN SEX AND THE DREADED DRY VAGINA
DEAR CRABBY:
My husband and I have been married
for over 10 years and we’ve
always enjoyed an active, healthy sex life. Lately,
I have been losing sleep because I am no longer interested
in sex. When we do make love, my vagina is completely
dry and it makes intercourse almost impossible. My
sex drive is completely gone. My husband has become
very “Crabby”,
and I have completely shut down physically.
I am 46 years old, and my periods have become irregular. I
suspect that I may be perimenopausal. It has been almost six
months since our last sexual encounter and I’m afraid
my husband will start looking somewhere else for it. I
feel guilty of not “pleasing” him anymore, but
even more guilty of not even “wanting” to. Once
a woman’s period stops, is it normal to not want sex
because we are no longer “baby makers”? Am I “guilty” of
losing interest in sex and not pleasing my husband?
GUILTY IN SEATTLE
DEAR GUILTY IN SEATTLE:
The only thing you
may be “guilty” of is not having
all the facts so you can continue to have a healthy sex life.
It is completely understandable that you no longer have an
interest in sex. Having intercourse with a dry
vagina is not fun. Lack of vaginal lubrication is a normal
symptom of perimenopause, menopause, surgical menopause and
post menopause. Declining estrogen levels may cause a thinning
of the vaginal and urethral tissue as well as vaginal fluid
production. It is important to discuss this with your
doctor to confirm that you are not suffering from a vaginal
infection. Not only does the physical act of intercourse
become a challenge with a dry vagina, the emotional dialogue
that goes on in your head when you no longer lubricate naturally,
makes the whole encounter stressful. You ask yourself, “Why
am I not turned on? He’s doing all the things I like.” Then
you think, “What must HE be thinking? Does he think
HE doesn’t turn me on?” Next
you suspect, “It’s me, what’s wrong with
me?” And your only option is to say, “I
have a headache”, then roll over and cry yourself to
sleep. No wonder you are sleepless and no longer interested
in sex.
But, there is good news. You can find the answer to
the dreaded dry vagina in most pharmacies with over-the-counter
lubrication products. Astroglide, or a water-based product
like K-Y jelly, will completely take any ‘friction’ out
of your love making experience. Your brain can turn off
the fear of not getting “wet”, and turn on to a
good love making session with your husband. And there
are many creative activities you can do with your newfound “lubrication” solution. As
well as using lubrication, don’t forget to drink plenty
of water throughout the day. Keeping hydrated is good
for you and your vagina!
The loss of libido is another symptom of perimenopause straight
through post menopause. The loss of libido is also caused
from declining hormone levels. Many women consider HRT
(hormone replacement therapy) during this natural transition. There
are many hormone options available. But first you may
decide to have a FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) blood test
to determine if you are indeed in one of the stages of menopause,
and test your hormone levels. You and your doctor can
discuss hormone options that fit your lifestyle and belief
systems. Your doctor may decide to check your testosterone,
androgen and thyroid levels, and also discuss other possible
libido squashing side effects if you are taking blood pressure
lowering medications, the pill, cancer medications, tranquilizers,
or antidepressants. Obtaining hormone balance may bring
back your interest in sex and natural vaginal lubrication. |
